Pieces of jokes

Whenever I miss u, I check my Msg.

Whenever I want to see u, I take a look at ur photo.

Whenever I want to hear ur voice,

I throw a stone to a pig.

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1 message now received.

1 nice person sent it.

1 monkey is reading it.

Monkey is smiling now.

Monkey is still reading.

Monkey will be laughing.

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Every bird cannot fly high, but Eagle can.

Every flower cannot bloom in water, but Lotus can.

Every monkey cannot read msg, but You can.

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We are true friends.

If I were sky, u would be a bird.

If I were sea, u would be a fish.

If I were flower, u would be a bee.

If I were tree, u would be a monkey.

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Who says English is easy?

I don't believe.

Can u fill in the blank with even \"Yes\" or \"No\"?

\"___\", I'm a fool.

U see? How?

If u can't answer, ask another fool.

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U are 70% pretty,

75% naughty,

85% sweet,

90% cute,

and100% lovely

total, 70+75+85+90+100= U are now.... 420.

Teacher : History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.

Student : Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.

Teacher : Why?

Student : There is no future in it.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .

Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?

Ted : $10.

Teacher : You don't know maths.

Ted : You don't know my father!

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Mother : David, come here.

David : Yes, mum?

Mother : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.

David : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.

Mother : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........

Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test?

Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8

Father : So?

Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know

the right answer?

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were

watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of

breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter : It's mummy!

Father : How do you know?

Daughter : She didn't say anything.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Yes Dear

Girl: Would you die for me?

Boy: No, mine is undying love

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Man: How old is your father?

Boy: As old as me

Man: How can that be?

Boy: He became a father only when I was born

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Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.

Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

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Teacher : Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?

Simon : No, teacher, it's the same dog!

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Father : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!

Son : That's why I say she's no good!

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Teacher: "Where were u born?"

Student: " Singapore , Sir."

Teacher: "Which part?"

Student: "All of me, Sir."

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A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up. "Ok,

answer, Joan" said the teacher. "'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle."

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Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"

Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."

Teacher: "Use your dad's then."

Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."

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A boy came home from school with his exam results.

"What did u get?" asked his father.

"My marks are under water," said the boy.

"What do u mean 'under water'?"

"They are all below 'C' (sea) level"

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